User blog:Ultraviolets/A Lovely Stroll
There was a boy named Kieran and his favorite food was an egg. Kieran: '''I love me some egg. '''He ate too many egg and he had none left so he decided to take a lovely stroll down the street to the market to get more egg. Kieran: '''I'm gonna take a lovely stroll to the market to get me more egg. '''And so it begins. ~''' 'Lizzy: '''Hey little kid wanna buy some drugs? '''Kieran: '''No I wanna buy egg. '''Lizzy: '''Drugs are better than egg. '''Kieran: '''Doubt. '''Lizzy: '''Since you wanna be a little bitch I put a curse on you. If you do not obtain the golden egg from the mouth of Kaylin the squirrel then you will die. '''Kieran: '''You are fuckin crazy lady. '''Lizzy: '''Poof. (''Lizzy disappears) '''Kieran: '''What a loon. Off to buy egg. '''Kieran is walking down the street when suddenly he encounters a group of street thugs. CC: '''Give me all your money. '''Kieran: '''No. I need money to buy egg. '''Red: '''Well maybe we want egg did you ever think of that? '''Kieran: '''Too bad I want the egg. '''Alex: '''You won't get the egg bc we want them! '''CC: '''Get him! '''Red, Alex and CC plan to jump Kieran but he unleashes his secret power: Failing Dance. He throws himself on the ground and starts doing the worm then does the Fish. Red, Alex and CC look at him weird. Red: 'Bro is you having a seizure. '''Kieran: '''HTE EEEEGGGGGGG!!!!!1111!11111 '''Red, CC and Alex back away in confusion and run away. Kieran brushes himself off and continues his lovely stroll. ' '''As he rounds the corner, he sees a group of people dressed in tye dye and holding up signs that say #savethewhales. Catie: '''Whales are people too!!!! '''Rob: '''We must save the whales!!!! '''Dani: ''(Makes whale noise)'' Kieran: 'Great... (''he tries to manuever past them but Catie and Rob grab his arms) 'Catie: '''Will you support the whales? '''Rob: '#savethewhales. '''Kieran: '''Why are you saying hashtag out loud? I don't care about whales. I want egg! '''Dani: ''(Makes angry whale noise)'' Rob: '''Whales are people!!! Just like you and me!! '''Catie: '''SAVE THEM! '''Dani: ''(Agreeing whale noise)'' Kieran: '''Is everyone in this town a lunatic?! '''Kieran runs past them and Dani chases him for some time making whale noises. When he finally gets away, he is about 50 feet away from the market. Three people jump at him from out of the bushes. Yazzy: '''WOOOOAHHH WE ARE NINJAS BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!! '''Gegi: '''YEAH WE'RE AWESOME BRO!!! '''Damian: '''PRAISE US OR DIE!!! '''Kieran: '''All three of you are missing the entire concept of this whole ninja thing. '''Yazzy: '''What do you mean missing the concept?! We are the best ninjas in this entire town! '''Gegi: '''Given...we are the only ninjas in this entire town! '''Damian: '''But we are still the best! '''All 3: '''Yeah!!! '''Kieran: '''I JUST WANT MY EGG YOU FREAKS. Ninjas are supposed to stay hidden. That's like Ninja 101. '''Yazzy, Gegi and Damian look at each other in terror and jump back into the bushes. Kieran rolls his eyes and continues walking. He soon comes upon a couple making out. Kieran: '''That's disgusting and inhumane. '''Nick: '''Awww do you wanna join in? '''Sarah: '''I think we have room for one more. '''Kieran: '''Unless you have egg I don't wanna. '''Sarah: '''I can give you plently of eggs if you catch my drift. '''Nick: '''She gives me eggs every night. '''Kieran: '''YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK. '''As Kieran runs away from Nick and Sarah, he hears two couples arguing. Hunter: '''Hey you!!! With the I ♥ Eggs T-shirt! Come here! '''Kieran: '''GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. ''(he stomps all the way over) ''WHAT?! WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU ARE KEEPING ME FROM FEEDING MY EGG ADDICTION!? '''Gage: '''Tell these assholes that we are a better couple than them. '''Cam: '''I highly doubt that, pretty boy! '''Tori: '''We are the cutest couple on this here planet! '''Hunter: '''If cuteness means ratchet, then I guess you're right! '''Gage: '''Go on and tell them, Egg-boy! '''Tori: '''No! Tell them we are better! '''Cam: '''Yeah! Tell them they are terrible! '''The 4 start fighting with each other and Kieran rolls his eyes. Kieran: 'SHUT UP!!!!! THIS COUPLE (''points to Cam and Tori) ''IS SO MUCH CUTER THAN YOU TWO. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE! ''(He stomps off but the 4 continue fighting) '''As Kieran approaches the market, he sees Kaylin the squirrel with the golden egg in her mouth. He suddenly remembers what the drug dealer said and runs at Kaylin. Kaylin: ''(Frightened squirrel noise) '' Kieran: '''COME BACK HERE WITH THAT EGG I BET ITS A DOUBLE YOLK. '''As he nears Kaylin, her owner Cheese picks her up. Kaylin: ''(Relieved squirrel noise)'' Cheese: '''WHO R U AND WHAT'RE YOU DOING TO MY PET SQUIRREL?! '''Kieran: '''Ok listen lady, this fucking crazy drug dealer said I need that egg if I want to live. So please just give it to me. '''Kaylin: ''(Mischevious squirrel noise) '' Kaylin swallows the egg and Kieran screams. ' '''Kieran: '''NOOOOO!!!!! (''he lunges at Kaylin) 'Cheese: '''Get away from my squirrel!!!!! (''she sprays Kieran with pepper spray and runs off) '''Kieran falls to his knees and Lizzy appears in front of him. Lizzy: '''Did you get my egg? '''Kieran: '''No! The squirrel swallowed it! '''Lizzy: '''Well boo-fucking-hoo. Time to die you lil egg loving bitch. '''Kieran: '''No please don't kill me I have egg to live for! '''Lizzy: '''And people call me crazy.... '''Lizzy suddenly reaches toward the sky and a storm cloud appears above them. She throws her hand down and lightning strikes Kieran right in the top of the head. As he falls to the ground, Lizzy calls all the squirrels in the park and they start to eat Kieran alive. 'Kieran: '''YOU ARE LITERALLY A WITCH. (''He dies and the squirrels keep eating) 'Lizzy: '''You ought've known better than to talk to the drug dealer. Didn't they teach you anything in school? We're INSANE!!!! (''Lizzy laughs manically and walks off) 'THE END!!!! ' Category:Blog posts